Bizarre Love Polygon
A second Pussy Palace controversy?!
Move over, David Harbour and Lilly Allen, this week, a shocking new scandal has enthralled the celebrity gossip community. Beloved and aloof pop star Féline Dion has been seen canoodling with pro-basketballer Kevin Purrant several times over the past few months. While representatives for both celebs have been silent on their relationship status, the paw-parazzi has uncovered a jaw-dropping new speculation.
During the early hours of February fifteenth, several unfamous and unclothed cats were seen fleeing Dion’s Montreal home. Their identities remain a mystery, but it’s telling that their instinct was to hide once spotted by our team of creeps journalists.
Meanwhile, Purrant was miles away in Salt Lake City, mourning their team’s brutal loss to the Utah Jazz of all teams1. It would seem that the game wasn’t the only thing Purrant lost that night.
This begs the question…s. Is Dion cheating? Are Dion and Purrant part of a polycule? Is this a setup by one of Purrant or Dion’s jealous exes? Was this simply a wild and entirely platonic party that our gossip columnists have read into and hyperbolized for a headline? Will their hearts go on? We may never know.
Gossip and rumors have now plagued both Dion and Purrant. Both celebs seem to be laying low and have not been seen together since the fallout of this raucous Canadian party.
The CMZ team will keep spying and provide updates as they become available.
Simon Says
A segment featuring my beloved cat, Simon. Here, he will offer you some sage advice from his 13 human years on this planet. If you have a question for Simon, leave it in the comments, and he will surely bestow you with his wisdom.
No one asked me anything, but I wanted to share my own resolution for this year and, hopefully, inspire you to do the same. DRINK. MORE. WATER. I am an expert water drinker, and even I do not get enough in a day (maybe because my human isn’t on call 24/7 to fill up my dish after I splash it all out).
My friends, my fans, I encourage you to take a break right now and fill up a dish, a glass, or put your mouth right on the faucet. Maybe try one of my many signature techniques for consuming this life-giving liquid. Stay hydrated this year.
This video is best enjoyed with sound on.
Reach Out!
Questions? Complaints? Requests? Leave a comment and let me know what you think and what you’d like to see in future installments.
I have nothing against the Utah Jazz. In fact, I barely know anything about basketball. I just think their name is funny. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Thanks for the reminder, Simon. I've had 3 coffees and 1 sip of water today.
Was Simon a swimmer in a former life? he looks ready to dive right in to his bowl.